Toddler Jealous of New Baby? Signs and How to Help

“It is of quite particular interest, however, to observe the behavior of small children up to the age of two or three or a little older towards their younger brothers or sisters. Here, for instance, was a child who had so far been the only one, and now he was told that the stork had brought a new baby. He looked the new arrival up and down and then declared decisively: The stork can take him away again!” S. Freud

It is not easy for a toddler to share mom and dad with a new baby. For a long time, they were the only child. Now someone new needs a lot of your time and care. Feeling jealous is a normal part of this big change.

Every child reacts in their own way. For most families, the jealousy is mild and gets better with time. Knowing the signs and getting ready early can make things easier for everyone.

Signs of jealousy

• Trying to get more of your attention, by talking more or acting out
• Mood changes, like crying more often or seeming less happy
• Acting more aggressive, like hitting or throwing things
• Pulling away from mom or showing less affection
• Taking longer to fall asleep or waking up crying at night
• Acting younger, like asking for a bottle again or sitting in the baby's seat
• Trying to hurt the baby. This is rare, but if it happens, talk to your child's doctor.

Preparing your toddler for the new baby

• Tell your toddler they will soon have a baby brother or sister. Sharing songs like Baby Brother can help you talk about loving and taking care of a new baby.
• Tell them early about any changes that are coming, like starting nursery school. Remind them that they are special and no one could ever take their place.
• Let them help you get ready. Take them along when you buy baby clothes or a crib, or when you pick out a new big kid bed for them.

Handling jealousy between siblings

Once the baby comes home, try these ideas.

• Let your toddler help with the baby's daily care.
• Spend time alone with your toddler. Ask for their help with the baby, like "Which hat should the baby wear today?", so they feel included.
• Never compare your two children. Each child is special in their own way.
• When your toddler plays with the baby, join in and cheer them on.
• Teach your older child gentle ways to touch and talk to the baby.
• Make simple family rules, like taking turns with toys.

There will still be hard days and some fights between siblings. That is okay. With time, patience and lots of love, your children can grow up to be good friends.

Questions Parents Ask About Toddlers and a New Baby

Do toddlers get jealous of a new baby?

Yes, and it is very normal. Your toddler is used to having you all to themselves. Now they have to share you, and that is a big change. The Cleveland Clinic says jealousy is common because your attention is now split between two children. It does not mean your toddler will not love the baby.

Is it normal for my toddler to act like a baby again?

Yes. Many older kids start acting younger for a while after a new baby comes home. The American Academy of Pediatrics says a potty trained child may suddenly have accidents or want a bottle, and that this is normal. It is their way of making sure they still have your love and attention. Stay calm, don't scold them, and give lots of praise when they do "big kid" things.

How long will my toddler be jealous of the new baby?

It is different for every child. For some kids it lasts a few weeks. For others it comes and goes for a few months. Some toddlers seem fine at first and then feel jealous later, once the baby gets bigger and starts to play with their toys. Keeping your toddler's routine the same and giving them special time with you helps it pass faster.

What should I do if my 2 year old is jealous of the new baby?

• Spend a little time alone with your toddler every day, even just 10 minutes.
• Let them help with small jobs, like getting a diaper or picking the baby's socks.
• Tell them how proud you are when they are gentle with the baby.
• Say things like "The baby is lucky to have a big sister like you."
• When the baby needs you first, tell your toddler it's their turn next, and then keep your promise.

How do I prepare my toddler for a new baby?

Start talking about the baby early, and read picture books about new babies together. Show them their own baby photos and tell them what they were like when they were little. Let them practice being gentle with a doll. The AAP also says that if you can, finish big changes like potty training or moving to a new bed before the baby comes. If you can't, wait until the baby is settled at home.

Songs can help too. You can find more children's music for the whole family on our music page.

What if my toddler hits the new baby?

Stay calm and move your toddler away from the baby right away. Say clearly and softly, "We use gentle hands with the baby." Then give your toddler a hug and a way to show their big feelings, like stomping their feet or squeezing a pillow. Never leave a toddler alone with a newborn, even for a moment. If your toddler keeps trying to hurt the baby, talk to your child's doctor.

Should I give my toddler a gift when the baby comes?

Yes, it can help. The AAP suggests giving your toddler a special gift and planning a one on one outing just for them with you, a grandparent or another family member. Some families wrap a small present "from the baby" for the big brother or big sister.

This post is for general information only. It is not medical advice. If you have questions about your child's health or behavior, please talk to your child's doctor.